life in and around NYC is insane

Friday, April 8, 2016

the youngest member of "the club"

So I go to the synagogue 2-3 mornings a week to say Kaddish for my father.  The official period of mourning for a parent is one year. I will be saying Kaddish until October, the anniversary of his death.

People who do not regularly attend synagogue services tend to become more observant during the period of mourning -- a year for a parent, 30 days for a spouse, sibling or child.  Lately I have been seeing a lot of familiar faces at services.  It seems I've reached an age where many of my contemporaries find themselves in the same situation as I do.  Even our Rabbi is saying Kaddish for his mother these days.    I guess we're all members of the same "club". 

But the other day I felt my heart break for the youngest member of our "club".

Lisa's husband has been coming to morning services since she died.  And the other day, he brought his daughter with him. 

Lisa's daughter is 25, the same age as Jen.  They were friends in Hebrew school.  They were friends, and later coworkers, at day camp.  They went to the same college.  And they shared a bat mitzvah date, back in November 2003. 

Seeing the young woman there, sitting beside her father...

I was 55 when my father died, and I felt it was too soon to lose him.  I can't imagine what it feels like at 25....

2 comments:

bookworm said...

It's hard at any age,but I think it does get...well, I won't say "better" just "you have more resources to cope with it". I was 12 when my mother died and 34 when my father died, so I speak from experience. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

songbird's crazy world said...

I know, Alana. It's hard at any age, but maturity brings coping mechanisms. And when I look at one of my daughters' friends going through it ...

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