life in and around NYC is insane

Monday, November 23, 2009

mass transit, how do I love thee? let me count the ways

I travel the Long Island Railroad, the NYC subway system, and the PATH trains that connect NYC with New Jersey. It's truly a "delight".

1. LIRR riders are SLOBS. Ever get on a train and have to move someone else's trash in order to sit down? Ewwwwww....

2. The rats in the NYC subway system laugh at the rat poison signs. I don't mind seeing rodents on the tracks every once in awhile, but when the crawl up onto the platform....eek!

3. People are just plain rude. They'll knock you over in order to get to an empty seat.

4. Any time there are two drops of rain, expect major delays on the railroad.

5. Don't you just love it when the conductor using the public address system sounds like an adult in a Peanuts cartoon?

6. People are just plain rude. I know you'd like to hang onto the same pole that I'm holding onto, and I know I'm "vertically challenged"....but shoulder is not your personal armrest.

7. If a staircase is marked "exit only", it means you can't enter the station here!

8. Every time they raise the fare they also cut back on service.

9. If I can hear the music leaking out of your ear buds, your iPod is just too loud! (I bet you'll be deaf by the time you're my age!)

10. People are just plain rude. Please do not sit on the train and talk into your cell phone for the entire ride -- pick yourself up and take your phone to the vestibule.

11. I know you like to walk up or down an escalator, even though I don't. I promise to stand to the right and let you pass, but you have to promise not to hit me with your tote bag or briefcase.

12. When the train pulls into the station, please let the passengers off before you try to get on, it works better that way.

13. If you're young and healthy, please give up your seat to a pregnant woman, someone with a disability or the elderly -- don't hide behind your newspaper and pretend that you don't see.

14. I paid a fare to ride the train, your bag did not....if you don't move your bag so I can sit down, I will be glad to move it for you.

15. Adults should not have to be TOLD to keep their feet off the seat.

16. There is a certain pungency to the restrooms on the LIRR...

17. ....but at least they exist on LIRR trains and in LIRR stations. Try finding a restroom in the NYC subway. Then try finding one you would actually use.

18. I have survived one LIRR strike and one NYC subway strike. Please G-d, never again.

19. I don't care whether you are selling soap or salvation, a crowded subway car is not the place for it -- please do not harangue me on my ride to work.

20.  If I wanted to smell like a beer, I'd go to a bar....

21.  Don't you just love when the escalator is broken and you have to walk up or down, but that annoying automated voice keeps telling you to "hold the hand rail and exit promptly" and it WON"T SHUT UP!!!

22.  I know you'd like to document your entire NYC vacation, but taking flash pictures in a moving subway car is not a good idea.

23.  There is a reason for the yellow safety line along the edge of the plat form.  Please don't try to squeeze between me and the platform edge, especially when a train is pulling into the station.

24.  When the conductor says "please don't hold the doors, or I will discharge this train..." he means it.

And finally:

25.Did I mention that people are just plain rude?


Suzanne said...

So true!

This is why the rest of the world doesn't understand New Yorkers. They don't endure that kind of commute.

Grandy said...

I've not been to New York, but I'm pretty sure a lot of those are universal comments for people in the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) system.

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