life in and around NYC is insane

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

crazy, screwed up family (part 4)

So last Tuesday the drama erupted like a volcano. Sadly, it was not unexpected.I kind of got the feeling it would when I was on the phone with my other, and she told me H would need to move into the den because my mother couldn't afford to pay her rent anymore. So let's get this straight. My mother is paying H's rent, supporting F and A, and she's also crying poverty. It started when I came home from work, even before I had a chance to take off my coat. F & A weren't home. My parents were at the kitchen table, and H was cooking at the stove. She started in on me right away. How I was beating up on my parents to get my way, how my father didn't want me working in the house. That I was being "territorial", that I cared only about my "inheritance". That maybe my parents should sell the house (I'm all for it, if that's what they want!) How I should rent space outside of the house for my "home office" (not allowed) and that I was going to have gobs on money from all my anticipated tax deductions (an attorney should actually read the IRS regs before she shoots off her mouth, don't you think?) Or maybe I should go live with Drew. I got a few shots at her, too. How maybe I should take her apartment and she could have my room, because I was better able to pay the rent than she is. Then my father said he never agreed I could use the den, that I was a liar for even saying so. that I should be grateful to be living in his house, that I married Satan Incarnate and that neither of us were competent to raise our children, and that he rescued them from the horrible life they would have had. I told him "Yeah, you do for my children. but for me, no." Bottom line, I can't earn a living because my sisters want to play the piano in the afternoon. Later, I showed my mother that her plans were not workable -- there are on-line programs that let you map out a room and add furniture, and no matter how hard I tired, I couldn't set up a workable floor plan without removing some of the furniture from my room. Logic and the laws of physics do not apply in this house. So I had to tell my boss that there's a problem with my telecommuting. It was not an easy conversation. He said he'll look into other solutions for me. but this is not a good place for me, or any other employee in my department, to be right now. And where does that leave me with the family? Haven't spoken to my father in a week, don't intend to either. He's 85, old and sick, so I don't want to fight with him, but I have nothing good to say to him. My conversations with my mother have been limited as well. Yesterday she asked me if I ever plan to smile again, and I told her "when I move out of this house." My sisters are throwing me into Drew's arms, and my mother is deathly afraid that I'll actually move in with him. My daughters, home for spring break, are being neutral, staying out of the fight. I am bereft, I feel betrayed, hurt and disgusted, but sadly, not surprised.


MJ said...

A rock and a hard place doesn't really cut it, does it.

Wouldn't it be nice if you COULD take over your sister's apartment... that would give you some MUCH NEEDED space.

What about Drew? Is he good for you, or just "known territory"? If it wouldn't be good for you to live with him, I wouldn't recommend it; however, it seriously sounds like you need some distance from your family. I hope a path opens up for you that will allow you to get some distance that is healthy and good for you, and is affordable. Hey, a girl can hope! :)

songbird's crazy world said...

Drew and I have done a lot of growing up since we divorced. The idea of moving in with him is both scary and enticing. But I am also exploring other possibilities.

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