Marriage in our changing world
How the world has changed.
You know that scene in Fiddler on the Roof, where Tevye disowns his daughter Chava when she marries a Russian?
When my father’s sister married a man who wasn’t Jewish, my grandparents sat shiva for her, it was as if she had died. They reconciled, of course, and my aunt and uncle had a long life together, they raised six children.
When I was growing up, “intermarriage” was almost a dirty word. It was assumed that young Jewish men and women would choose Jewish partners. When I got engaged to a guy who wasn’t Jewish, my grandmother urged me to break it off. (I did, but religion had nothing to do with it.).
But now?
Conservative and Reform synagogues are actively welcoming families where only one parent is Jewish. There are two reasons for this. Synagogues are afflicted with the same problem as all organized religions; millennials, and the generations that follow, are not choosing to affiliate with a church or synagogue. And intermarriage has become commonplace. Congregations welcome almost anyone who wants to identify as Jewish.
Becca is very much in love with Brendan, whose roots includes Irish, German and Puerto Rican ancestors. It would be nice if he were Jewish, but it’s far more important that he loves my daughter and treats her well.
Jen isn’t in a relationship right now. The guy who broke her heart is Italian. She’s back in the dating pool. I was kind of hoping she’d hit it off with the Jewish banker, or the guy who teaches Hebrew school, but … well, she will choose a man who suits her.
So while I might want a Jewish son-in-law, I doubt that’s going to happen.
And that’s ok.
I (Jewish, Eastern European roots) married a man (Catholic,with Italian roots) in 1974 in a small secular ceremony in my best friend's house in Brooklyn. We are still married. Neither one of us practices our birth religion. My parents in law had already told us they would not come to the ceremony. My father's side accepted him; my mother's side (she was deceased by then) was less accepting and did not attend, either. I would not care if my son (only child) intermarried. It is so different now than it was in 1974 and I am thankful for that.
ReplyDeleteAmen. I can’t imagine what your wedding was like. The world has changed for the better.
DeleteI think this is a good thing. The only thing that should matter is compatibility of the couple.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen fiddler on roof.
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on and stay safe
You should watch the movie. It’s about Jews living in Russia in the early 20th century, but the story is universal — tradition vs modernization, differences between generations, and ultimately, becoming refugees …
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