Darlene

 Mixed emotions right now.  I don’t know  how to react.

I was driving home from Drew’s house when my phone rang.  It was Drew.  “Darlene passed away.”

I first met her in the mid 80’s.  She was engaged to Drew’s friend Tommy.  They got married just a few months after we did.  We spent a lot of time with Tommy and Darlene.

Later, when Jen was a baby, and Drew and I unexpectedly needed to find childcare, Darlene became our nanny for a about six months.  That ended when I started my maternity leave before Becca was born, but there was a bond between Darlene and my daughter …

And then …

Drew and I were having serious problems in our marriage.  Ultimately we divorced, and things between us were miserable.  Absolutely miserable.  People who knew us during that time are shocked we even speak to each other, let alone that we have reconciled.

I’d cry on Darlene’s shoulder as my marriage fell apart, and she urged me to leave Drew.

But when I did …

It was impossible for Tommy and Darlene to remain my friends, Drew and Tommy were lifelong friends and the divorce was nasty.  I kind of expected that.

What I didn’t expect was Darlene’s betrayal.  That she would try to take my children away from me.

When I left Drew, the kids and I moved into my parents’ house.  My mom, my dad, and two of my sisters were living in that house, and I wanted to be certain that my very young children would be well cared for while I was at work.

Drew has always been a very involved father, and of course he sought custody of the girls.  In the 90’s in New York that wasn’t likely to happen; despite the gender-neutral laws, mothers got custody 90% of the time.  But I can’t blame him for trying.  He’s a parent, he lives his daughters.

But Darlene … submitted an affidavit to the court, alleging that my child care arrangements were “a hodgepodge of friends and family” and that she would be available to help Drew take care of the children and provide a more stable environment.

To this day I have never forgiven her for that betrayal.  My daughters are grown women and I still can’t get over it.

After Tommy died, Darlene remarried and moved to North Carolina.  And eventually she and I became Facebook friends. So I knew she’d been in very poor health these last few years. It’s no surprise that she passed away.

Drew is devastated.  Not only was Darlene his friend, she was his link to Tommy.

But I …don’t know what to feel.