sad news and family secrets
My cousin V will be laid to rest today. She was a sweet, kind and caring woman, who took great delight in the accomplishments of her children and grandchildren. I have a wonderful memory of her grandchildren playing wit Jen and Becca at a cousin's wedding in the early 1990's.
My father was the youngest of five children. His four older sisters ranged in age from 14 to 8 when he was born. They all married young -- my father became an uncle for the first time when he was only 8 years old. My father was in his early thirties when he married my mother. so most of my first cousins are considerably older than I am, with children closer to my age. V was one of my first cousins.
Sadly, I did not know I had a cousin V until I was 27 years old.
We were at my aunt's funeral, and I caught a ride from the funeral home to the cemetery with one of my cousins. We were talking about how large the family had grown, and I said "Well, I have 10 first cousins." Turns out I had 11 first cousins. But my cousin wouldn't tell me why I had never heard of my cousin V, She said "ask your father."
I could not imagine what a terrible, horrible thing V must have done...Was she in jail, perhaps?
So I asked my father.
And the deep, dark family secret, turned out to be...
She married an African-American.
Well, in 1968, if a white, Jewish girl married an African-American man, that was scandalous. In 1987, not so much.
What V and her husband must have endured...I am sure they loved each other very much. I never asked her about her experiences, and she preferred to talk about her grandchildren and their accomplishments.
Rest in peace, cousin V.
My father was the youngest of five children. His four older sisters ranged in age from 14 to 8 when he was born. They all married young -- my father became an uncle for the first time when he was only 8 years old. My father was in his early thirties when he married my mother. so most of my first cousins are considerably older than I am, with children closer to my age. V was one of my first cousins.
Sadly, I did not know I had a cousin V until I was 27 years old.
We were at my aunt's funeral, and I caught a ride from the funeral home to the cemetery with one of my cousins. We were talking about how large the family had grown, and I said "Well, I have 10 first cousins." Turns out I had 11 first cousins. But my cousin wouldn't tell me why I had never heard of my cousin V, She said "ask your father."
I could not imagine what a terrible, horrible thing V must have done...Was she in jail, perhaps?
So I asked my father.
And the deep, dark family secret, turned out to be...
She married an African-American.
Well, in 1968, if a white, Jewish girl married an African-American man, that was scandalous. In 1987, not so much.
What V and her husband must have endured...I am sure they loved each other very much. I never asked her about her experiences, and she preferred to talk about her grandchildren and their accomplishments.
Rest in peace, cousin V.
Even not that long ago, my mother in law mentioned that if her daughter (who was then, I think, in her 40's - she's never married) married an African American, she would cut said daughter out of her life. That was way after 1987. How sad to be hated. I am happy you were able to know V, may she rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your cousin. Good for her for doing what she wanted even in the face of her family's disapproval.
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